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Joran Did It

10 June 2010

Peruvian PressJoran van der Sloot has finally confessed. After being hunted down in Chile, the authorities handed him over to Peruvian law enforcement. The press conference was of a tone similar to what the Americans did when they finally captured Saddam. The Peruvian press was already all over him and sentenced him guilty before anything resembling a trial had taken place.

University student Stephany Flores Ramirez, the daughter of racecar driver Ricardo Flores, was found beaten to death in room 309 of Hotel TAC. He had broken her neck after repeatedly beating her with a tennis racket and was seen leaving the room a couple of hours after. He confessed he had killed her in a fit of rage when he found her looking up things in his laptop and seeing things she was not supposed to see.

Cry BabyIf you're unfamiliar with the case: Joran van der Sloot was suspected of killing American student Natalee Holloway but as the body was never found, there was no actual evidence and he was let go. Dutch investigative reporter Peter R. de Vries was hot on his case and confronted him on national tv with what he had uncovered about him. Joran responded by throwing a glass of wine in said reporter's face, displaying little self control.

LatteWhile he was in police custody in the Netherlands he made several confessions, some contradicting and later on he retracted them. That little trick may work in the Netherlands buddy, where the interrogating officer gets you a cup of coffee while questioning you. What do you think a Peruvian law enforcer is going to get him? A nice cup of latte? You want cookies to go down with that? A glass of milk, perhaps?

Motivational JoranStephany supposedly found out he had 'something' to do with the disappearing of Natalee a few years prior. Could it be the fact that he was extortioning Natalee's parents on the whereabouts of her body? Or did she find things more sinister than that? Did he then have the great idea of silencing Stephany?

PwnedThere's something fishy about it all, though: he keeps all important files on his laptop, he keeps them unencrypted and in plain sight and he leaves it unattended. Is he really that stupid? All his actions so far scream out a big fat 'YES'.

So long, loser. You don't belong in the same world I'm raising my children in.

Tags:  opinion, news

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